Follow the Money

Readers old enough to remember the Watergate scandal remember Deep Throat, the senior government official who worked with The Washington Post reporters covering the story. (He was later revealed to be Mark Felt, associate director of the FBI.)

In the movie "All the President's Men," the Deep Throat character advised Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward (played by Robert Redford) to follow the money. He was referring to the secret Nixon campaign money that was used to pay the Watergate burglars.

And that's our mini-history lesson. This post is about following the money behind the out-of-control barking plague.

First in our rogue's gallery of big money pots: The pet industry. In the U.S., it's a big money-maker. To the point where estimates point to a 2015 expenditure of $60-plus billion. Yes, that's billion with a B. That's how much Americans spend on their pets. In one year.

Keep in mind that this is the same industry that comes up with logic-bending terminology like "pet parents." That's right. If you have a dog, you're Rover's mommy. Or daddy.

All I can say is "Puh-LEEZ!" And I'm not the only one.

But think of what happens if we, the neighbors, are kept awake by Rover's barking. We try to talk to Rover's owners and how dare we do such a thing! Who are we to question the precious utterances of their little four-legged baby?

If we take our complaint to our local animal control agency, we hit another roadblock. Which is the name of this agency.

If your area is like mine, it's no longer in the control business, it's all about animal care. Which means that it has placed the welfare of animals over public health and safety. Can you say "Dereliction of Duty?" I sure can -- because I have experienced it. Many times, in fact.

What's behind this change of focus? Well, it's time to meet the second big money pot: The animal rights extremist movement. It's the movement that places the rights of dogs above humans, often with tragic results.

What's needed to counter these two big pots of money? How about a human rights movement?

Lies Dog Owners Tell

Ever had an owner tell you that his dear, sweet little doggie doesn't bark? Oh, no. Not ever.

Well, Mr. Dog Owner, what was that sound we heard when we were trying to sleep? Was that your dog, whispering outside our bedroom window?

Then there's that perennial classic: My dog barks because he's doing his job.

And what job might that be? Creating noise pollution? If so, your dog is doing fantastic work! Give him a raise!

Oh, here's another one: No one else has complained about the barking.

Well, maybe not to you, exalted dog owner. And there's a reason for that. It's called futility. We've learned (the hard way) that trying to talk to you about your dog's sacred utterances isn't worth our time.

The Department of Shameless Self-Promotion. If those lying dog owners are getting on your nerves, head over to the QuietBarkingDogs store.  Plenty of clothing and bumper stickers that quietly make our viewpoint known.