Rescue Braggarts

A while back, I read a news story about some neighbors. Story said that they were involved in animal rescue. They were doing all they could to save 'em from euthanasia.

Oops, excuse me. Another neighbor's rescue dog just went ballistic. Let me crack the blinds and see what the problem is.

Can't see a darn thing moving outside. Must be the wind rustling in the trees. Again.

Anyway, back to those other rescuers.

Before they moved in, they dropped the dogs off at their rental house down the street. Where the dog pack proceeded to bark at every living thing. I think they even barked at coyotes howling down along the Mexican border.

Things didn't improve after the owners moved in. Our block turned into a veritable kennel.

I reported the barking dogs to animal control, which sent the owners a Sternly Worded Letter. Yeah, that'll fix things.

Wasn't but a few days later when I saw an animal control officer down at the Rescue Haven. The man of the house was standing outside the wall around the property, and he was m-a-d. Shaking his fist, hollering at the animal control officer. I kept an eye on the proceedings -- you never know when you might have to call 911 to report an assault in progress.

Then came the calls from the Community Mediation Service. I ignored the first one, but picked up the second one. Guy on the other end said that the dog owners really wanted to mediate with me. Oh, did they ever.

Well, having been through the barking dog mediation process once before and finding it a complete waste of time and energy, I wasn't too eager to repeat the experience. And, wouldn't you know it, after the animal control officer paid them a call, they did quiet the dogs down.

So, I told our intrepid mediation guy that the people had quieted their barking dogs, so there was nothing to mediate. What I didn't tell him was that I didn't feel comfortable facing people who were so insistent on finding out who I was. Sounded like they were more interested in intimidation than mediation.

Things stayed relatively quiet for a few months. Then, total bark-cophony.

I hired a lawyer to write a letter to the property owner and the rescuer-tenants.

That prompted the landlord to make a personal visit to my attorney. Where he regaled my attorney with all the tales of troubles he'd had with these tenants. Why, he even tried to get them to move out, but that didn't work.

My lawyer clued him in on Arizona landlord-tenant law. In this state, landlords have many rights, including the right to evict problem tenants.

Oh, there goes that other rescue dog from across the street. Again. This time, it's taking umbrage at a jogger. Who's jogging down this side of this street. I guess the oh-so-hip, environmentally conscious owners are too busy saving the earth to let their dog back into the house.

Back to the landlord-tenant situation.

The tenants were so irate that I'd hired a lawyer to chastise their behavior that the lady of the house penned a lengthy diatribe that she personally delivered to my attorney's office. Let's just say that she had an arm's length relationship with the proper use of English grammar. And spelling. That was another class she missed.

But she did say that the dogs were there to protect them from all the criminals in the neighborhood. That passage resonated with me when I saw the lowlifes coming around to that place during the following summer.

It was easy to know when the lowlifes were visiting because the dogs never failed to announce their arrival. Nothing like being greeted with a chorus of barking.

What those people didn't know is that there are people around here who are quite concerned about criminal activity. So, when we see lowlifes frequenting a rental, we sense trouble and alert the police. Who paid the doggie rescue heroes a call.

Wouldn't you know it, a few days afterward, the lowlifes disappeared. And they didn't come back until right before these lovely neighbors moved.

After they moved out, they left the dogs behind. One of the lowlifes came around to feed them and do who-knows-what-else on the empty property. Sure didn't look to me like he was cleaning the house and the yard.

What really rang my alarm bells was the time he came by at midnight. Another neighbor's dog woke me up, and I cracked the blinds to see what the problem was.

Down the street, it was Mr. Lowlife leading some of the neighborhood kids off the street, through a gate, and I don't know if they went into the vacant house. There's a tall wall around this property, and you can't see who's going on unless you're right next to one of the gates.

What in the hell were the children doing with that guy at that hour? Were they being molested? Sure would have been easy for Mr. Lowlife to do that. No witnesses, after all.

Well, once again, the authorities were alerted, dogs were removed a few days later, and Mr. Lowlife stopped coming around.

The rescue people now live up a few blocks away. Last I heard, they were running some sort of pit bull rescue in their back yard. One of my friends went over there to check it out, and he said that one of the wigglebutts playfully nipped him.

If it had been me getting nipped, the owner of that property would be dealing with my attorney. And this time, there'd be a lawsuit.

The Department of Shameless Self-Promotion. Do you have neighbors who still haven't gotten the memo about chronic barking? Are you less than impressed by their doggie rescue heroism? Well, click on over to my QuietBarkingDogs store. Share your viewpoint with a "Responsible Owners Keep Their Dogs Quiet" bumper sticker. Or how about a "Barking Dogs Don't Reduce Crime - People Do" hooded sweatshirt for your lovely evening walks.